A tall tale

I humbly put forward my nomination for Harry's Scratchies awards.

I was on my way to Sydney a few weeks ago to help out in a legal case that involves some kids who had been charged with trespass, turns out the trespass laws had a sunset clause that no-one had realised so more than likely they will get off..... despite a solid case against them. The law was applicable the day before they were busted. I often am around the courts, a recent case I was sitting in the public gallery on a case which there was a possibility of a hanging saw me shout out an inspired joke(which is way too funny to print here) which broke the grim tension surrounding the event.

Anyway...... as I was travelling along the small road I live on to Sydney, I noticed the local postal delivery driver Ross, had somehow managed to park his scooter in a ditch, I stopped and helped him get the little Honda out and picked up assorted items of mail. Ross an I go way back, living in the same block of units. He leaves the bulky mail in a secret place instead of dragging it back to the post office for me to pick up. I leave him a case of beer at Christmas time.... it's sort of a win-win situation. Some people think this is a form of bribery, I more consider it a tip.

A couple of days later after the scooter dragging incicdent, I received a note from the local constabulary which pointed out that I had been caught by a speed camera at the time of pulling the bike out of the ditch. Turns out Ross made a good alibi.

As I mentionied before, Ross lives in the same block of units that I do. Recently we pooled together some money from the other residents and decided to install a communal sauna. Trouble was it breached certain council bylaws..... we came up with the solution of it being a community geeting-to-know-you project and eventually after a few councillors mail mysteriously disappearing, we were able to get council permission and even managing council sponsorship for the deal. Once it was up, the community plus some others enjoyed the facility enormously. The local evangelical school board were even holding their meeting there. Ross and I used to poke fun at their double standards, holding a churchly school meeting with no clothes.

The sauna was enjoyed by many, until a small fire caused by some hippies using a little too much Eucalyptus oil on the heat rocks had me one day pulling several dreadlocked strangers from the burning house of nude relaxation.