I look like this guy......

Godfather

I had my bottom impacted wisdom teeth removed yesterday, no more toothaches, just a swollen jaw on one side and no more dull thud on the other. It feels better already.

My dentist took one look at them and said "Oral Surgeon"..... a month later and the horrible things that were once my wisdom teeth are no longer residing in my skull.

I wasn't too worried about having them out, rather they were to be removed
using a "hypnotic sedative" which was going to take my memory of the whole thing away whilst at the same stage being conscious. The "taking the memory" aspect of the whole deal was something I wasn't 100% comfortable with.

That and it being introduced via an intravenous injection, needles I'm OK with but when they start sticking IV needles directly into veins I can tend to feint. Big guys tend to be rather woosey like this.

I was to take a "responsible adult" along with me as I WASN'T to drive home. Another one of the side effects of the sedative were that of "erotic hallucinations" which apparently have landed more than a few oral surgeons in trouble.... a witness was required to be present.

So, the oral surgeon was running a bit late due to "an emergency" which could have meant he slept in, or had a hangover or actually did have an emergency on his plate. I really wanted to get it over with. Surgery started at 12pm.....

I handed over the money for the removal of the wisdom teeth and proceeded to the dentist's chair. A male nurse took my blood pressure which was good, put a thing on my finger which detected my oxygen content 99% which was also good and measured my heart beat. I had a bit of fun raising and lowering my heart, they looked at the machine a couple of times in mild alarm as I varied it from 62 to 80 beats a minute.

A quick look at my x-rays and then a quick look down my mouth. I was then told the sedative was to be administered and I'd feel a scratch. A rather strange brightly coloured tourniquet was applied. It was similar to the white one here and was rather strange.

Then I felt the scratch, I gasped, then the surgeon applied some tape to hold down the IV tube, then I watched as the sedative was administered via syringe.

Then the torniquet was released, then I went BLANK.

I remember about four things

(1) A white cloth with an opening for my mouth being placed on my face
(2)Some tugging on tooth number one
(3)Some tugging on tooth number two
(4) A conversation about the male nurse's career moves.

Then I "woke up" despite being conscious.... or my memory sort of returned. It was 1pm and it felt like about 12:02 pm........ although an hour had passed. an hour of my life had disappeared!

I stood up out of the chair, then promptly plopped myself back down in it. I was then helped out and shambled out to the waiting room where "responsible adult" was waiting for me. My eyes were swollen red, my smile was from ear to ear and my steps were an almost stagger. Then with an ever so slow gait, responsible adult led me out the back door to the car. Responsible adult's theory was that the surgery staff didn't want to risk future patients fleeing in terror at the sight of what had been done to me. I was a stumbling mess like something out of a Boris Karloff movie from the 30's a couple of bolts through the neck would have suited me admirably.

I proceeded to the driver's side of the car and in some confusion was led gently to the other side. In a state of incoherence I sat in the seat and attempted to fit the seat belt which I did manage to figure out after a few attempts.

Then I started babbling and babbling and babbling.



I described to reponsible adult how I felt and what I could remember about the operation. I described to reponsible adult how they used a brightly coloured torniquet, I described how I felt EXACTLY the same as before the operation and in all probablity was probably aware enough to drive....... but it probably wouldn't be a good idea. How my lips felt numb, how my whole FACE felt numb, the colour of the walls and most of all how GOOD I felt.

Apparently I continued reiterating and repeating these highly intelligent pieces of observation incoherently for around fifteen minutes as we drove up the mountains towards home, responsible adult laughing all the way. I thought the laughter was at my highly witty and intelligent discourse but apparently it was directed at my resemblance to responsible adult's cockatiel parrot. I can't remember the trip back except for a quick stop at the chemist(drug store) to get some codeine, antibiotics and peroxide. I asked for some ice-cream and proceeded to dribble most of it down my shirt via numbed lips.

Next thing I knew I was on the couch and the ice cream was in the freezer. Responsible adult then went up to the store for groceries. I thought in the meantime, it would be a good idea to boil up some potatoes while I was alone. I had forgotten the "DO NOT COOK" directive on the "Things you should not do 24 hours after sedative surgey" fact-sheet.

Sharp knives, tungsten potato peelers and boiling water were thrown about with reckless and carefree abandon. Responsible adult returned half an hour later to a rather happy patient half asleep on the couch, a variety of cutting utensils spread about the kitchen and a pot of boiling potatoes on the stove.

My first post-op meal was that of the pie floater, a rather delicious South Australian delicacy made by placing a meat pie upside down in thick pea soup until it is soggy and covering it with tomato sauce (ketchup). It was soft and soggy just as the doctor ordered. Some ended up in my mouth and some on my shirt.

The rest of the night was a bit of a blur, time had become distorted.

This morning I woke up and inspected the surgeons work. A multitude of stitches and two gaping holes where the rogue wisdom teeth once resided. My jaw has swollen out like Brando's, the codeine has taken the edge off the pain leaving a dull thud, it hurts but it's a GOOD hurt, the area feels much better.

I can only remember a bit of the surgery taking place and can't remember much of yesterday. Most of the post op experience was related to me via responsible adult who regarded the whole ordeal as highly amusing. I can't believe I actually thought I could drive..... which is still a bit of a worry.

I wonder if you can get six-packs of that sedative stuff?