Johnno

Sunday, July 09, 2006

Weasel Words.



Reporting to the Director, Human Capital, you will leverage your background in selection and workforce planning to translate our business strategy into our people strategy to ensure that we have the 'A players' in the right roles with the right skills at the right time.'

Job ad: Manager, Human Capital at CareerBeacon.com.Thanks to Mike Dominic who says
'This is a job opportunity that seems to just scream, "We don't know what we're doing! Fleece us!"'. Read more of Mike's comments on his blog.


And another.

'You don't need many stores, what you need is a large sophisticated store that gives them a lifestyle emotion.
Retail is changing and we are no longer competing against other stores, but other lifestyle choices such as new cars, boob jobs, jewellery holidays and jet skis. The reason we are doing the large stores is to offer the client the same emotion he is getting from his lifestyle choices in our stores.' Theo Poulakis, joint MD of retailer Harrolds, as quoted in Inside Retailing, April 4 2005.


More corporate-like-speak here at Weaselwords, where the English language is shown to be trashed out of any rational meaning via similarly delightful examples as the above.

I'm still trying to come to terms with the word-of-the-moment metrics.

3 Comments:

  • I find "metrics" infuriating (most things infuriate me these days, however, so that's not saying much).

    Turning the weaselwords back on the weasels doesn't help a bit. They get annoyed at you for destroying the language and gripe about your fondness for obfuscation.

    By Blogger J Alva Scruggs, at 7:58 pm  

  • Hmmmm looking "metrics" up....it still reads like a stinking pile of horse crap..

    I'm sure "they" use metrics to measure "qualatative" data.... which really doesn't prove much if you think about it.

    "Metrics are a system of parameters or ways of quantitative assessment of a process that is to be measured, along with the processes to carry out such measurement. Metrics define what is to be measured. Metrics are usually specialized by the subject area, in which case they are valid only within certain domain and cannot be directly benchmarked or interpreted outside it. Generic metrics, however, can be aggregated across subject areas or business units of an enterprise.

    Metrics are used in several business models including CMMI They are used in knowledge management (KM). These measurements or metrics can be used to track trends, productivity, resources and much more. Typically, the metrics tracked are key performance indicators.

    Metrics are important in IT Service Management including ITIL. They are used to measure the effectiveness of the various processes at delivering Services to Customers. Until recently no agreed standard set of Best Practice metrics existed. Data from different organisations can be gathered together, against an agreed set of metrics, to form a Benchmark. This allows organisations to evaluate their peformance against industry sectors to establish, objectively, how well they are performing. Using Best Practice metrics enables industry wide Benchmarks to be created."

    By Blogger Johnno, at 8:53 pm  

  • I'm afraid "metrics" translates into "produce the quota I set for the pay I offer -- or else -- and I will cherrypick the results that please the people more powerful than me".

    Compare the weaselwords to these fine sentiments, wherein the value of labour and the sources of wealth are honestly explored.

    By Blogger J Alva Scruggs, at 10:30 pm  

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