Tuesday, May 10, 2005

The landlord agent cometh..........

Every six months I get the landlords agent doing an inspection of the Blue Mountains pad.. It's a lot like having your Mum around to visit, everything has to be spic and span, in order and ship shape. Stuff that I should be doing gets done a couple of days before the agent arrives. Not that I'm untidy or dirty, it's more a case of "man tidiness" where you can get away with some crud around the joint and not be bothered by the whole fingermarks on the refrigerator deal.

As long as it is functional, doesn't smell and poses no immediate danger to personal and public health, it's cool in my books.

I used to give the place a real good once over when my girlfriend used to visit but alas we are no longer. So the joint misses out on the "detailing" until the agent arrives. This includes the garden which necessitates hiring a rather brutal but effective Honda 4 stroke weed whacker from up the road every six months.

Stuff I found out today.

1 Bic razor blade covers near the bathroom bin. I found a family of them in the corner. Either they decided to go forth and multiply or I am a lousy shot.

2. Cobwebs do not dissolve. Add to this, the cobweb sweeper which I bought for the last inspection could not be found. It eventually was located on the balcony with severe sun-fading. Living in a National Park has the advantages and disadvantages of natural living. An entire micro ecosystem and I co-exist within the walls. The only thing that gets shooed outside is really big spiders and ants which are kept away by keeping the kichen clean.

3. Three tomato plants which I had given up over summer had decided the lack of attention is what required to bear fruit. I now have some excellent Italian tomatoes which will make a great pasta sauce tonight, an oregano bush had gone feral too which will also make a good accompaniment. Alas the tortellini bush had died.

4. The semi unused room with car interiors and the ironing board in it. The iron was still ON from the last time I ironed a shirt about three weeks ago (I think). Cotton clothes that don't need ironing DO have their disadvantages. Leaving stuff on such as stoves and irons was one of the things that used to freak my ex-wife out. So now I can say I have bench tested the safety aspect of a Sunbeam iron over three weeks and it comes through with flying colours. No harm was done......can't wait to see the next power bill.

5 The black cat had been sick at some stage and decided to barf over the carpet in another spare room which I rarely visit. I could go into gory details but the remedy was suprisingly simple and effective.

6 Dead bugs and moths tend to stand out on smooth, white stuff such as baths, handbasins etc and get hidden by more neutral items such as carpet.

7 Dropped cigarette ash is a bastard to get out of carpet.

8 Indian incense sticks not only balance the chakras but mask cigarette smoke rather well.

Anyway the inspection went without a hitch, the agent is pretty cool and seems to have more sympathy for me than the landlord. She's a fellow JJJ devotee and we talked about music and such things for a while before a quick whisk around the pad which she described as "Same as last time."(if only she knew)..... Over in about 5 minutes flat.

I'll see her again in a few months.


  • I used to freak out when an inspection was coming up. Now my landlord is a friend of the family who never visits at all.

    I like the idea of man tidiness. Can I borrow it?

    By Anonymous Johnny the Horse, at 1:29 pm  

  • I used to think I had pretty cool landlords in one pad I rented many years ago. A couple, who never came around to inspect. Then, one Sunday morning after quite a party, while three mates who had crashed over (lived on the other side of town) and I were half dressed and hoeing into carbohydrates - as you do on the morning after - the landlady just walked in. I used to go out for a ride every Sunday morning, and unbeknowns to me, she would come around and let herself in with her key during that time, and check the place out. She got some real man untidiness that time.

    By Blogger s, at 1:44 am  

  • Gee, even Tori Amos is looking a bit old (I better lie down). I have heard before, Tortellini is a bitch to grow. Depends on the cheese, I guess.

    You mean you iron your clothes (not that manly a man I'd say :-) )!

    By Blogger Peter (the other), at 3:16 am  

  • Man tidiness is in all those who share the XY chromosone. It is a fraternal blindness within us. Its deficiencies can be experienced when the S.O. returns from an extended visit to the out of town in-laws and one is bursting with with pride at how one kept the place so neat..... only to be deflated by the pointing out that S.O. will have to spend "a couple of days" cleaning the place up.......and you can't see where.

    A well sorted garage is another example. YOU can take something out there to eat but the wife and kids would never eat out there.

    Man untidiness was experienced by my brother in his early 20's with some other guys. After casting a house vote, some pretty disgusting dishes were thrown out and replaced with new stuff..... rather than washing them.

    My theory is that one gets sick of man untidiness after awhile and either goes to the stage of man tidiness or finds someone of the XX chromosone to sort their domestic life out.

    By Blogger Johnno, at 3:17 am  

  • Peter. I forgot to mention the shaved parmesan tree, which is well established and seems to be in season for most of the year. Grated parmesan trees do not do so well in this climate.

    Heh, the iron get brought out when the dryer hasn't dried wrinkle free as it usually does. Usually on a Saturday night. I've used it three times this year I think.

    By Blogger Johnno, at 3:34 am  

  • I hate inspections. I am such a private person, it feels like my agent has absolutely no business stepping into my four walls.

    Or maybe I'm just lazy.

    By Blogger BourbonBird, at 8:42 am  

  • I always panic when there's an inspection. Usually there is no reason to panic, but it's just worrying to have someone looking over your living environment with a pen and a clipboard and writing notes here and there. What I find to be really strange with my landlord is that if they schedule a time for an inspection and you can't be there for it, they ask if they can just look around themselves... wtf - hell no!

    By Blogger Misha, at 8:46 pm  

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